


The Ties That Bind

by MaliceManaged



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Amora is a bitch, Childbirth, Engagement, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Forced Arousal, Friends to Lovers, Gen, I guess he means well?, It's consensual I promise, Jötunn Loki, Loki Feels, Loki Has Issues, Loki Needs a Hug, Loss of Virginity, Making Up, Marriage, Odin's Odd Parenting, Parent Loki, Relationship Problems, Self-Acceptance, Thor Is a Good Bro, Unplanned Pregnancy, might add tags later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-07 08:48:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5450609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaliceManaged/pseuds/MaliceManaged
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Loki is led by a frightened and worried maid into the bedchambers of his best friend, he finds her suffering under the influence of a very strong lust spell, only to discover he can't undo it with magick...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I've pretty much given up on trying to stick to one story until it's finished before starting another one, since my mind clearly has other ideas.

    Loki’s long legs carried him through hall after hall in haste, the frantic maid who had alerted him to the problem practically running as she tried to keep up with him. As he reached the bedchambers of his closest friend he paused at the door in shock; Silje was lying in bed still in the navy blue dress she had put on that morning, writhing and whimpering in obvious discomfort, her pale, freckled skin glistening with sweat, her long honey-coloured hair tangled from her tossing and the sheets tightly fisted in her hands. As she sensed someone in the room she turned her watery blue eyes to the door and, upon seeing that it was Loki, let out a sigh of relief that turned into a slight moan at the end.

 

    “You were right to call me,” Loki said to Silje’s maid, who was looking at her mistress with wide worried eyes, recognising even from a distance that his friend was under a very powerful lust spell. He placed his hand on the maid’s shoulder to get her attention. “Leave us. Tell no-one of this,” He ordered sternly.

 

    “O-of course, my prince,” The maid stammered then, with a final worried look towards her mistress, did as she was told.

 

    As soon as she was out the door, Loki rushed over to Silje’s bed and sat by her, looking her over and placing a hand on her forehead only to draw it back quickly with a slight gasp at how hot the maiden’s skin was.

 

    “Loki, please; help me, it hurts,” Silje cried, tears streaming down her face.

 

    “How did this happen?” Loki asked, conjuring a cold mist around his hand and placing it back on her forehead.

 

    Silje breathed a sigh of relief, more from the contact than from the cold. “I know not; I was... mmh... about to get ready for bed, then my skin... ah!... started to heat up,” She replied with some difficulty, “Loki, I can’t... I feel as though I am on fire!”

 

    “Be calm, kjære min, I will fix this,” Loki shushed her, placing his other hand against her cheek in an attempt to soothe her. He closed his eyes, shoving his concern for his friend to the back of his mind to concentrate of the task at hand, then searched for the tendrils of magick tightly wrapped around her; once he found them, he began to attempt to loosen the hold, only to run into a problem. He opened his eyes. “Silje; this has Amora written all over it, and she knew what she was doing,” He said hesitantly, “I’m sorry, I can’t unravel the spell; it has to run its course.”

 

    “What?! Loki, I can’t wait this out; it is killing me!” Silje cried, releasing the sheets to clutch at his arm desperately.

 

    “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry. I can... I can keep you from overheating too much, and... and we’ll figure something out. You will get through this,” Loki tried to reassure her, unable to keep some of the panic from his voice. He ran a hand through his hair. “I mean; the only other option would be to...” He said somewhat absently.

 

    Realisation flashed in Silje’s eyes. “Yes!” She said quickly.

 

    Loki looked at her in shock. “What?!”

 

    “It’s the only way,” Silje managed, her nails beginning to dig into his arm from how tight her grip was.

 

    “Sil, no! No, I-I-I can’t! I...” Loki stammered, looking anywhere but her face.

 

    Silje pulled on his arm. “Loki, please! I cannot take this,” She pleaded desperately.

 

    Loki looked back at the tear-stained face of his best - and only real - friend with mixed emotions. He loved her dearly and would do just about anything for her, but would this interfere with their relationship? He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it before, or even gone so far as to think of her on occasions when he was wanting and sought his own relief in the privacy of his chambers; she was very beautiful to behold, after all, and even if only platonically she had only ever had eyes for him. But he cherished their friendship and fear of losing it, and in turn her, kept him from expressing his desires.

 

    Doing this would save her life, certainly, but at what cost? Not to mention it felt too much like taking advantage of her; something he felt very strongly against. In the end Loki realised there really was no other option. There was no guarantee his first suggestion would even work, after all; even if he could keep her temperature down, her heart could still give out and there was nothing he could do about that.

 

    Loki leaned down, pressed their foreheads together. “I love you,” He whispered.

 

    “I know,” Silje replied, managing a shaky smile.

 

    Loki tilted his head and pressed his lips to hers tentatively, feeling her respond after a moment’s hesitation. A selfish part of his heart revelled in the fact that he was, and would be, her first, but the feeling was quickly overshadowed by the circumstances of how it came to be. When this was over he was going to find the Enchantress and when he did, Norns have mercy on her because he certainly wouldn’t have any to spare.

 

    Loki moved back from her to remove his coat, only for Silje to follow him and fuse their lips together again in a needy, inexperienced kiss. After several tries he gave up and simply removed what he could as they kissed; only pushing her away firmly to pull his tunic over his head. Silje wasted no time in lunging at him the moment the garment was off, surprising him and pushing him backwards onto the bed; before kissing him again with a ferocity he would never have expected from her, biting on his lips and all but shoving her tongue into his mouth when he parted them. Silje ran her hands up his abdomen and chest then moved them back down, scraping her nails on his skin somewhat roughly; Loki hissed slightly in pain even as a moan of pleasure rumbled through him and he vaguely wondered if she had any idea just how much she was arousing him. He figured not, after all it wasn’t as though he ever discussed his turn ons with her; that would’ve been quite inappropriate all things considered.

 

    Loki sat up and quickly undid the laces at the back of her dress; bunching up the skirt in his hands he pulled it up and broke the kiss to pull it over her head. He flipped them over, moving her to the centre of the bed, and made short work of her corset and by now soaked underwear. Loki took in a shaky breath as he raked his lust-filled eyes over her body; he’d already known what she looked like naked, having accidentally walked in on her while she was getting dressed once, but that one glimpse couldn’t hold a candle to the sight of the panting, flushed creature below him now.

 

    The spell rendering her far more impatient and bolder than she would normally be, Silje reached out a hand to pull him towards her again by the hem of his pants; she could feel how hard he was now and it spurred her on, using that same hand to undo the laces that kept his pants closed. Bracing himself on one arm so as not to crush her, Loki reached his other hand between them to press his thumb onto her swollen clit, earning a rather loud moan, and Silje parted her legs for him so that he could have better access.

 

    Silje tangled her fingers in Loki’s hair, arching her back slightly as his thumb began to circle her clit.  As Loki moved his hand to her entrance, she tugged on his hair, causing him to push two fingers into her with a little more force than he had intended, earning a surprised gasp. He quickly stopped and apologised, worried he had hurt her, but she shook her head and pulled his face back to hers to begin kissing him again, moving her hips up and pushing his fingers deeper into her. Reassured that she was okay, Loki began thrusting his fingers in and out of her, slowly at first; when he thought she was ready he added a third finger and she broke the kiss to tilt her head back, eyes closed. He took the opportunity to begin kissing and gently biting her neck, sure he would leave a few marks on her fair skin, as he continued to prepare her.

 

    Soon enough he parted from her just enough to remove his pants then settled himself between her legs; lining up his cock with her entrance, he pushed in slowly and she cried out breathily in pleasure as he groaned at the feel of her. He gave her a moment to adjust then began to thrust in and out slowly, earning moans and whimpers as she clutched his shoulders. Silje wrapped her legs around his waist and encouraged him to go faster. Before long their combined pants and moans filled the room as Loki drove into her hard and fast, bringing them closer and closer to the edge; as her climax took her, Silje cried out loudly with Loki following soon after, spilling his seed deep within her.

 

    They lay there panting for a while before Loki began to pull his still half-hard cock out of her, only for Silje to stop him by tightening her legs around his waist. “Don’t.”

 

    “But...” Loki began, looking at her in surprise.

 

    “Don’t,” Silje repeated.

 

    She tangled her fingers into his hair and pulled him down for a kiss that quickly became heated, leaving no doubt as to her intention. And so Loki took her again, and then again, and again as she begged him for more; the night turned into morning by the time they parted, exhausted yet sated, sleep quickly claiming them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'kjære min' = akin to 'my dear'


	2. Chapter 2

    When Silje awoke it was late in the afternoon; she moved slightly and regretted it immediately, so sore was she. She considered simply staying in bed, but then her stomach reminded her of its lack of sustenance and she turned onto her back carefully before sitting up with a slight groan. She got out of bed and walked over to a cluttered desk on one end of the room, picking up a small vial of a smoky blue liquid and drinking its contents, grimacing slightly as the potion began to do its job of soothing her aches. As she waited, her maid walked into the room and to the adjacent bathchamber to prepare her bath.

 

    Silje lowered herself into the warm water with a contented sigh and let her maid help her scrub herself clean, the other woman insisting on fussing over her as if she were an ill or injured child. Once clean she was helped into a turquoise dress and she left her chambers intent on finding Loki. She hadn’t exactly been surprised to find him gone when she awoke; as long as they had been friends, she’d never known him to sleep much no matter how tired he was. She couldn’t deny the sliver of disappointment, however.

 

    She wandered the palace for a while, stopping by the kitchens along the way for some much needed lunch, until she heard Loki’s voice coming from a somewhat secluded corridor. He did not sound very pleased; in fact, he sounded quite furious. Making her way down the hall quietly, Silje peeked around the corner to make sure she wouldn’t be walking in on an argument between her friend and Odin (once had been scarring enough, thank you), and was surprised to see none other than the Enchantress herself looking quite pleased with herself.

 

    “You should be thanking me; I have done you a favour,” Amora sneered, “After all, I know how long you have desired that little mouse, even if she was utterly oblivious to it.”

 

    “Do not think me a fool as to believe you did this with good intentions. You could have killed her!” Loki snapped.

 

    “Please; if I wanted her dead, she would be dead,” Amora replied with a dismissive wave, “I knew you wouldn’t let her die. You wouldn’t have wasted a perfect excuse to bed her.”

 

    Loki was about to reply when he saw Amora’s eyes flick over his shoulder before a smug smile stretched her lips; he turned around to find Silje halfway around the corner looking at them in surprise.

 

    “Well, I’ll leave you then; I’m sure you have much to discuss,” Amora said with mock-politeness then turned and teleported away.

 

    “Silje...” Loki began, taking a step towards her then thinking better of it and staying where he was.

 

    “Was that true?” Silje asked, moving the rest of the way around the corner.

 

    “Sil; I... I can explain...” Loki tried.

 

    “Was. It. True?” Silje repeated evenly as she walked up to him.

 

    “... Some,” Loki finally replied. “But I had _nothing_ to do with what Amora did!” He quickly added, “I would never do something like that to you.”

 

    “I should hope not!” Silje replied; she closed the rest of the distance between them and looked up at him, “How long?”

 

    Loki took a deep breath. “Since the moment I first saw you.”

 

    “That is quite some time,” Silje commented, a bit shocked.

 

    “Believe me, dýrr, I am very well aware,” Loki responded with a sigh.

 

    “Why did you never say anything?” Silje asked, despite it all concerned that her dearest friend had been keeping something like this to himself for so long.

 

    “Fear,” Loki replied, looking down at their feet, “I did not think you would feel the same, you never gave any indication of such; and I valued your friendship far too much to risk losing it.”

 

    “Oh, Loki; there is very little that could ever get in the way of our friendship,” Silje said, cupping his cheeks in her hands and turning his face up to hers once more, “And I never gave any indication of wanting more because it honestly never even occurred to me to look at you in such a way. Why would it have? Nobody has ever paid me much mind before.”

 

    “That is because they are blind fools,” Loki said, placing his hands over hers. Silje smiled, a light blush dusting her freckled cheeks. Loki swallowed slightly and asked the question he dreaded hearing the answer to, “So now that you know... Would you... return the sentiment?”

 

    “I... I woke up alone...” Silje said softly.

 

    Loki looked away guiltily. “I thought you needed more rest, and I wanted to find Amora.”

 

    “Yes, I figured it was something like that; that was not the point I am trying to make,” Silje replied.

 

    “What, then?” Loki asked, looking back at her.

 

    “The point is that I woke up alone, and I did not much care for it,” Silje finished.

 

    Loki’s eyes lit up at that and he dared a hopeful expression. His gazed flicked to her lips and back to her eyes, silently asking for permission; Silje stepped closer to him in response and he leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her lips. She responded quickly, her arms moving to wrap around his neck as his wrapped around her waist, lifting her slightly and pulling her closer. As they kissed, Loki felt a weight lift off his shoulders; he had been afraid that Amora’s actions would ruin their relationship, but in the end it served to bring them closer together.

 

 

    Three weeks later Silje awoke feeling a little out of sorts; she sat up and her vision swam slightly and she gagged as a sudden wave of nausea washed over her. She pressed her hand to her mouth, stumbled out of bed and ran to her bathchambers, startling her maid and Loki, who had just walked into the room.

 

    “My lady?” Her maid called in concern, rushing over to stand by the door as her mistress retched and heaved.

 

    Loki walked past her and headed straight for Silje, kneeling beside her and brushing her hair back off her face, rubbing soothing circles on her back. Once Silje was done purging her already-empty stomach, her maid brought over a damp cloth and a goblet of water which she handed to Loki’s waiting hands, and he carefully wiped Silje’s mouth and handed her the drink, ensuring she downed it slowly.

 

    “Better?” Loki asked, helping her up.

 

    “Somewhat,” Silje replied a bit hoarsely.

 

    “Will you be taking your breakfast here, my lady?” The maid asked.

 

    “Yes, thank you,” Silje replied.

 

    “I will also stay,” Loki informed her.

 

    The maid nodded then bowed to them and left the room.

 

    “I cannot even remember when I was last sick,” Silje said, walking over to the wash basin and washing her face.

 

    “Do you know what brought it on?” Loki asked as they walked back into her bedchambers and to the next room.

 

    “I have no idea,” Silje replied with a shrug.

 

    They sat at a table in her balcony and discussed Silje’s latest alchemic experiment until their food was brought in. They ate in silence, Silje eating more slowly than usual in case her stomach decided to rebel again, then decided to head to the library to see if they could find a way around the impasse her research had encountered.

 

    Two hours later as they sat in Loki’s chambers amidst a pile of books, Silje began to feel nauseous again and she ran into Loki’s bathchamber to rid herself of her breakfast.

 

    “I think perhaps a visit to the healers is in order,” Loki suggested as she came back into the room, looking utterly miserable.

 

    “I think that might be best,” Silje agreed, drinking from a goblet of water set on the table by the chair she had recently vacated.

 

 

    Silje sat up on the soul forge and waited for the healer to announce the result of the examination, Loki standing by her side. As she began to fidget nervously the healer finally came around and faced them with a smile.

 

    “Well, there is nothing wrong,” She declared, “You are three weeks with child.”

 

    “What?!” Silje exclaimed in shock, startling the healer.

 

    “You are absolutely certain of this?” Loki asked seriously.

 

    “Yes, absolutely,” The healer replied, looking between them in confusion, and Loki nodded once.

 

    “Leave us,” He ordered. The healer bowed then left the room and he turned towards Silje. “Are you alright?” He asked in concern.

 

    “I did not even think of it,” Silje whispered, looking at the floor.

 

    “I confess neither did I, but at least you had good reason to be distracted from such thoughts,” Loki replied. “What do you wish to do?” He asked.

 

    “I... I don’t know,” Silje replied.

 

    “Whatever you decide, I will support you,” Loki assured, taking her hand in his, “Do you want to keep it?”

 

    Silje looked down at her belly and placed a hand over her womb. “It is not its fault; it didn’t ask to exist,” She said softly.

 

    “Then we will keep it,” Loki declared with a small smile, placing his free hand over hers on her belly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'dýrr' = 'dear'


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, two chapters in one day, I am on FIRE!!

    The following months of Silje’s pregnancy proved to be trying for both parents-to-be, as Silje insisted on going about her days as she always did and Loki was constantly ensuring she didn’t overexert herself and wanted for nothing while trying to pretend that he wasn’t fussing over her. They had gotten married by the second month, mostly so Odin would stop nagging at Loki about his responsibilities, and as Silje moved into Loki’s hall she all but took over the room he kept for his dabbling in alchemy, as it had always been more than a passing interest for her. It was more than once she snapped at him for coming between her and her work, despite the fact that the healers assured them that most of her current experiments were quite safe for her and the child as long as she shielded herself properly.

 

    The only part of their relationship that was more than alright was when it came to intimacy. Since they had wed and Silje was already pregnant, there wasn’t much else to worry about, and so they indulged in each other without fear - and frequently, if they had their way - until the child grew enough to make the act more of a hassle than it was worth.

 

    By the time the birth was close, Silje’s belly had grown such that she could hardly get out of bed without assistance - something that very thoroughly annoyed her - and Loki worried sometimes that labour might prove to be too much for her. Not that he ever said so aloud around her, of course; though he did consult with the healers and midwife on the subject.

 

    “Didn’t I leave you in that exact same spot this morning after breakfast?” Loki asked as he walked into their bedchambers one afternoon to find Silje basically sprawled on their bed staring blankly at the ceiling.

 

    “I thought about moving,” Silje replied absently, lazily turning her face to look at him.

 

    Loki chuckled and walked over to the bed, sprawling out next to her, and hummed. “I can see why the idea would hold no appeal.”

 

    “So what did Thor break this time?” Silje asked, referring to the summons that had drawn him away in the first place.

 

    “Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t him; it was Balder,” Loki replied.

 

    “ _Balder?_ What in the Nine could _he_ have done?” Silje asked, bewildered.

 

    “Drank from the wrong cup in the wrong place and ended up being married to a lovely ice elf lord,” Loki replied amusedly.

 

    Silje snorted. “That must have been fun to explain to Nanna,” She said between laughs.

 

    “Oh, it was,” Loki replied, joining in her laughter, “I daresay she will not be speaking to him for some days.”

 

    “Serves him right for not taking care to become well versed in a realm’s customs before visiting,” Silje said disapprovingly and Loki hummed in agreement.

 

    He turned over onto his side and placed a hand on her belly, rubbing slightly and smiling as he felt his child move in response. He moved closer to Silje and, cupping her face in his hand, kissed her deeply. Silje responded wholeheartedly and Loki’s hand wandered down her neck to rest between her swollen breasts.

 

    When they parted for air, Loki rested his forehead against hers. “I miss you,” He murmured longingly.

 

    “And I you,” Silje assured. She took his hand, placed it back on her belly. “You’ll have me soon enough; this little one could come any day now and I shouldn’t need much time to recover from the birth with the improvements I have made to my healing salve.”

 

    “If that is so, I will never again comment on the hours you have spent on those experiments,” Loki swore.

 

 

    Two days later Silje was practically dragged out of bed by Nanna and Idunn and taken for a leisurely stroll through the gardens after breakfast, the women insisting that the exercise would do her good. After a bit of prodding, the full details of Balder’s blunder were gotten from Nanna and they had a good laugh at his expense.

 

    “Well, it could have been worse,” Idunn commented, “He could have married a troll; they are not nearly as understanding.”

 

    Nanna huffed a laugh. “He is only lucky that Loki was there to diffuse the situation and put the matter to rest.”

 

    “Something I am sure my _dear_ husband will never let him live down,” Silje added, causing the three to burst into laughter again.

 

    In the afternoon as they chatted Silje began to feel her belly contract. Nanna was the first to notice and was quick to ask if she was alright, but Silje waved her off saying she had been feeling those quite randomly for the past few days. As they took lunch in the feast hall the contractions had not faded; Loki looked at her worriedly but though no more of it as it seemed like the other times. It wasn’t until the early evening that it became clear this time was different; Silje was sitting with Nanna and Idunn, who had not left her side the entire day, practicing her weaving when she suddenly gasped.

 

    “Silje? What is it?” Idunn asked in concern.

 

    Nanna looked Silje over and, spotting the darkening fabric of the folds of her skirts that had come to rest between her legs as she sat, gasped and turned to one of the maids attending them. “Call for the midwife and the healers and tell them to go to Loki’s chambers at once!” She ordered.

 

    The girl nodded and bounded off to fulfil her duties while Nanna and Idunn stood and went to Silje’s side, helping her to stand and beginning to make their way to her and Loki’s chambers; once there they settled her on the bed and dispatched a servant to inform Loki that his wife was in labour.

 

    Loki had been arguing a point with Thor and Odin in the council room when a breathless servant had all but burst in to announce Silje’s waters had broken. The man had barely finished his message when Loki was halfway to the door, quickly followed by his brother and the king. By the time they reached Loki’s outer chambers the midwife, Eir and her assistant were already in the bedchamber with the other women, and so they sat down to wait.

Six hours and one final push later, the much-awaited cries of a new-born filled the room, quickly followed by a shocked and somewhat horrified gasp from Eir’s assistant as she beheld the infant. Silje immediately tried to sit up further from where she had been propped up by pillows to ease the delivery, but Idunn quickly pushed her back down.

 

    As the midwife took the baby away to clean it Eir grasped her assistant’s shoulders firmly. “You are to speak to _no-one_ of what you have seen here, or I will see you dismissed and banished from the city if not the realm,” She said sternly, “Am I understood?”

 

    “Y-yes, my lady Eir!” The assistant squeaked, nodding her head almost frantically.

 

    Soon after Loki rushed into the room followed by Odin and Thor; he immediately went over to a tired Silje as Nanna sat on the other side of the bed and wiped her forehead and neck with a damp cloth, taking her hand in his and bringing it up to his face to press a kiss onto her wrist as his other hand smoothed her damp hair off her face.

 

    Odin walked over to the midwife and asked for the child; as it was placed in his arms he gazed down at its deep blue skin and red eyes. “As I thought.”

 

    Loki looked up at them and his eyes widened and his heart sank as he saw just how much his child had inherited from him. As Odin placed the same glamour on the child as he had placed on him so long ago, Loki looked down then hesitantly back at his wife, only to find her staring back at him with concern all over her face.

 

    Thor looked between his father and the baby. “Well, what is it?” He asked eagerly, “Do I have a nephew or a niece?”

 

    “It is a boy,” Eir answered, somewhat successfully suppressing a smile at the older prince’s excitement.

 

    “Wonderful! He will make a fine warrior!” Thor beamed happily, causing Silje to snap her attention to him.

 

    “Like Hel he will; I am not raising another you!” She said and he, Nanna and Idunn laughed.

 

    Odin pensively watched Loki, who was staring down at his lap with a conflicted expression, then walked over the bed before turning to the others in the room and ordering them to leave. When they were gone he turned back to Loki, who had looked up to him, and held the baby out to him. “Take him,” He said somewhat sternly. Loki hesitantly reached for the child and took him, looking at his now pale cream skin and eyes as green as his own almost apprehensively. “This is your son,” Odin said firmly.

 

    “I am well aware of that,” Loki replied coolly, not taking his eyes off the infant.

 

    “You will accept him, as you will accept yourself,” Odin continued. That earned him a glare and Odin sighed. “I made a mistake, not telling you the truth from the start; do not let that ruin what you have now.”

 

    With that he turned and left the room, leaving both Loki and Silje looking after him in shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Odin did just say that... Much as I hate the man's 'parenting' skills, I have to believe sometimes that if he really put his mind to it, he could be a half-way adequate dad.


	4. Chapter 4

    Loki ducked as a bolt of ice flew past his head, missing him by a few inches, while the source of the stray magick sat on the floor giggling and clapping in delight at his recent discovery. He looked around the room, covered in frost and snow, and sighed deeply before walking over to his son.

At four years old, Einarr Lokison had proved to have quite the gift for seidr wielding, and Loki was certainly proud beyond measure; he just wished the boy could explore his talent in a less destructive way, for both their sakes.

 

    “Your mother will murder me if she sees this,” Loki said as he picked the boy up and threw him up in the air, earning a delighted shriek that he grinned at, before placing him at his hip.

 

    “Murder!” Einarr repeated happily.

 

    “ _Of course_ that’s you get from that sentence,” Loki groaned, hoping the boy wouldn’t decide to repeat it around Silje. Turning to the room he concentrated then waved his arm out, clearing away the ice and leaving the room spotless. He looked at his son and placed a finger against his lips. “This will be our little secret; won’t it?” He whispered.

 

    “Secret,” Einarr repeated, mimicking his father’s gesture using both hands.

 

    “Good boy,” Loki praised with a mischievous smile then ruffled his son’s raven hair and walked out of the room with him.

 

    He walked through the halls of the palace, weaving through servants bustling about their work; it was Thor’s Nameday and the whole place was near frantic in its preparations, as was usual. The only difference this year was that it was also the day that Thor and Sif’s betrothal would be formally announced. Loki - and practically everyone else, for that matter - thought it had taken the two long enough; though he knew for a fact that the only thing that had stood between them for so long was that Thor had been utterly oblivious to Sif’s feelings and she had too much self-respect to make them any more obvious than she had.

 

    As he rounded a corner he almost ran straight into Bragi, who told him that Idunn had informed him that she heard from Fandral that Balder had told him that Thor was looking for him. Or something along those lines; Loki tended to tune out most of Bragi’s ramblings, the man did love to hear himself talk. With a vague thanks for the information Loki changed his course and began looking for his brother, wondering what he could possibly want this time. After some searching and asking around he finally found Thor in the library of all places; Loki was surprised the warrior even knew where it was.

 

    “Ah, there you are, brother,” Thor said, his voice much quieter than usual. As soon as Loki was close enough, Einarr practically threw himself towards Thor, who chuckled and went to pick him up. “Hello, little one. Caused much trouble today?” He asked fondly then tickled the boy’s belly; he giggled and shrieked in response, trying to squirm away as Thor laughed.

 

    “Was there something you wanted, Thor?” Loki asked, unable to keep some of the amusement in watching the two from his face.

 

    “Can I not simply wish for my brother’s company?” Thor asked, looking back up at said brother. Loki gave him a _look_ and Thor sighed. “I have heard you argued with Silje recently,” He said.

 

    “And where, pray tell, did you hear that?” Loki asked with practiced calmness.

 

    Thor shrugged. “Women talk,” He replied.

 

    “And you actually listened. My, how times have changed,” Loki commented.

 

    “What has happened, Loki?” Thor asked, “I have seen you two; I cannot imagine there are many things that could come between you.”

 

    “My marriage is my business,” Loki replied in clipped tones.

 

    Thor sighed then walked over to a reading corner and set Einarr down on one of the seats, giving him a book of children’s tales full of pictures. It almost looked as though he had planned for this, though Loki couldn’t say he would be too surprised if he had; the Thunderer had become rather crafty of late. Loki couldn’t quite decide whether he should be proud or worried by the development. Thor then walked back to him and led him to another set of seats out of the toddler’s earshot but where they could still keep an eye on him.

 

    “Speak, brother,” Thor encouraged, “Tell me what is wrong.”

 

    Loki hesitated for a long while, looking down at the floor. “She wants another child,” He said softly.

 

    Thor furrowed his brow in confusion. “And, what; you don’t?”

 

    “I would love nothing more,” Loki replied, “But what if...”

 

    “What?” Thor prompted.

 

    “What if it turns out like...” Loki stopped then swallowed slightly, “What if it turns out like... me?”

 

    “I should think you would be proud to raise an army of troublemakers,” Thor teased. Loki scoffed and looked away; he hadn’t really expected Thor to understand. Thor sighed again. “Do you love your son?” He asked.

 

    Loki’s head snapped back towards Thor and he looked at him incredulously. “Of course I do!” He snapped.

 

    “He was born ‘like you’,” Thor pointed out, “You claim you do not resent him for that?”

 

    “No,” Loki replied firmly, “It is not his fault; he didn’t choose his parentage.”

 

    “And you did?” Thor said, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

    “That’s different,” Loki replied stubbornly.

 

    “How, exactly?” Thor asked, “Do you hear yourself, bother? How can you hate yourself for what you had no say in, but recognise it as such with your child?”

 

    Loki opened his mouth to reply, and then closed it when he realised he _had_ no answer to give. He looked over to his son, delightedly poking the moving images in the book on his little lap, and remembered when he had been born; after Odin had left the room he had passed the baby over to Silje almost immediately and had remained more or less at arm’s length for the first two years of his life. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Einarr. He did; every bit as much as he loved his wife. But Loki hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that he had failed his son somehow.

 

    He remembered Odin’s words the day Einarr had been born, more so because he hadn’t said anything on the subject again. He remembered the hurt look Silje tried to hide whenever he declined to hold their son.

 

    He remembered the day Einarr learned to walk very clearly: It had been a quiet winter day in the courtyard, and Thor and Volstagg were determined that the two-year-old would take his first unassisted steps that very day. Loki had been sitting on the ground a ways away reading against a tree, when he heard the warriors begin to cheer loudly but paid them no mind; after a while the cheering abruptly stopped and suddenly Einarr fell onto his lap, much to his surprise. Loki had sat there, unsure what to do, as the toddler climbed more fully onto his lap and looked up at him with his big green eyes curiously; and then to Loki’s absolute shock Einarr had extended his little arms up to him for a hug.

 

    From that moment on Loki had sworn he would never distance himself from the boy again.

 

    Loki blinked and forced himself back to the present. He leaned forward and buried his face in his hands with a long tired sigh, his shoulders slumping. After a moment he felt Thor place a hand on his shoulder blade and he looked up at his sympathetic face.

 

    “Loki, it is high time you stop letting the past dictate how you see yourself,” Thor said, “You know that I love you. Your wife loves you, and so does your son. Everyone who should matter accepts you completely; you are the only one who still doesn’t.”

 

    Loki looked up at Thor with a lost sort of expression. “I don’t know how,” He all but whispered, “Tell me how.”

 

    “I wish I could, brother. But how to explain what to me was never in question?” Thor said with a heavy sigh, “We have had our differences and we have caused each other much grief over the centuries, but of all the things that have ever come between us your being jötunn was never one of them.”

 

    “Never?” Loki asked sceptically.

 

    “Well, I will not deny it was a shock to learn,” Thor admitted, “But any resentment held towards the fact I felt for father and mother for keeping it hidden from us for so long, never you. How could I?”

 

    Loki looked at Thor for a moment then huffed a humourless laugh. “You make it seem so easy,” He said, “You make many things seem easy.”

 

    “Have you thought that perhaps some things are not as difficult as you are determined to believe?” Thor retorted, elbowing Loki lightly.

 

    Loki rolled his eyes and pushed back, causing Thor to laugh an infectious laugh that the younger shortly joined him in. After a while Einarr went over to them and stood in between Loki’s legs. He looked up at his father and wordlessly extended his arms to him to be picked up.

 

    As he settled his son on his lap he looked over at Thor who was smiling warmly at the sight before him, and for the first time since he had learned of his true origins, Loki thought that maybe he could do this after all.


	5. Chapter 5

    The realm rejoiced at the news of Thor and Sif’s impending marriage. Those closest to them happy for their friends, brother or sister; the rest reassured that Asgard would have a strong king and queen when Odin finally passed on the throne. The mood was joyous enough that Silje could for the moment forget the argument she’d had with Loki as she ate and drank and joked with her friends and family, although the occasional glimpse at her husband would almost succeed in reminding her.

 

    For his part, Loki had yet to approach his wife, though he very much wanted to. He figured from the way she’d outright yelled at him to leave her sight the last time they spoke she might not be in the most welcoming mood. He understood how she felt; although they hadn’t planned to have their son Silje took to motherhood better than he had thought she would, and he had always thought she’d make a good mother. And given how happy they were since he had stopped distancing himself from Einarr it made sense that she’d want to have more children.

 

    As he watched Silje laugh at something Hildegund had said, Loki sensed someone come to stand beside him and looked over to find Sif, her arms crossed over her chest and her expression pensive as she looked at his wife and the people surrounding her.

 

    “You owe that woman a dance,” Sif said to him simply.

 

    “I owe that woman many things,” Loki replied.

 

    “Yes, you do,” Sif said. “I never could understand why she was so keen on you,” She added with a shake of her head.

 

    “Is there a point to this, Sif; or should I just take back the congratulations I offered earlier and call it a night?” Loki asked in a rather bored tone of voice.

 

    “Oh, there is a point,” Sif replied, “And it is that you don’t deserve her.”

 

    “Duly noted,” Loki said coolly.

 

   “You used to,” Sif continued as though she hadn’t heard him.

 

    “Are you quite finished?” Loki asked, not sure where this was going and not sure he wanted to know.

 

    Sif turned to face him fully. “You need to get over whatever is going on in that complicated head of yours and fix your relationship, because you will never find someone better that her,” She said.

 

    Loki blinked at her in surprise then eyed her suspiciously. “Why do you even care?”

 

    “Because I do,” Sif replied with a shrug then she turned and walked back to Thor’s side without further words.

 

    Loki looked after her then shook his head slightly in bemusement and looked back towards his wife. He gazed at her for a while, Sif’s words running through his mind, then made a decision. Downing the rest of his wine in one gulp; he set the cup down, took a deep breath, and made his way over to Silje with purpose in his steps.

 

    Silje had been sharing with Volstagg and Hildegund one of her son’s recent antics when she noticed her friends’ eyes had turned to look over her shoulder; she turned around and found herself face to face with Loki for the first time since their argument. His expression was mostly blank but she saw right through it to the guilt and longing behind; it almost made her want to forget why she was upset with him in the first place.

 

    Loki held out his hand to her. “May I have this dance, my lady?”

 

    Part of her wanted to refuse, such was her hurt and disappointment, but she was aware the people were watching them and she didn’t want to embarrass him by making their problems so obvious; she knew he was very fond of privacy, and after all she did still love even if she didn’t like him very much at the moment.

 

    “You may, my lord,” She replied in a tone only slightly strained.

 

    Loki then led her into an area that had been cleared into a makeshift dancefloor amidst other couples and led her to the somewhat lively rhythm of the music being played. Despite everything Silje found that she was enjoying herself before long; it wasn’t often that Loki danced with her - more because he preferred to stay away from the crowd than any particular dislike for the activity - and she very much liked it.

 

 

    From another area of the room Thor watched his brother and his sister-in-law dance, smiling and laughing, and he could not help but to grin at the sight, hoping this meant that their troubles would soon come to an end if they hadn’t already. He noticed that Sif was watching them as well with a smirk upon her lips.

 

    “Did you have anything to do with that?” Thor asked her suspiciously.

 

    Sif merely shrugged one shoulder, and Thor raised an eyebrow but said nothing more, knowing all too well he wouldn’t be getting any answers out of her if she so chose.

 

 

    When the song was over Loki pulled her aside, took both her hands in his. “I owe you an apology.”

 

    “Yes; you do,” Silje agreed simply.

 

    Loki sighed. “Silje, I am sorry,” He said, “I wish I could tell you I have good reason for denying your wish, but I truly don’t.”

 

    “This is not a conversation to be had here,” Silje said.

 

    They went over to Thor and Sif, offered their congratulations again and informed them they would be retiring for the night. Thor wished them well, choosing his words carefully, then they left for their shared hall. Once there they first went to check on Einarr, finding him fast asleep, then they went into their bedchamber.

 

    “So, what then is this reason you have chosen to keep to yourself?” Silje asked, sitting on the edge of their bed and looking at him expectantly.

 

    “You know what I am...” Loki began hesitantly.

 

    “You are my husband and the father of my son,” Silje replied, “Before that, you were my closest friend. Have I missed anything?”

 

    “You know what I mean,” Loki said, crossing his arms at his chest.

 

    “Yes, former son of Laufey; I know _exactly_ what you mean,” Silje snapped and Loki flinched slightly, “What I _don’t_ know is what that has to do with anything.”

 

    “It has to do with _everything!”_ Loki half-yelled in exasperation, “Why am I the only one who sees that?!”

 

    Silje simply crossed one leg over the other, placed her hands upon her lap. “Yes; why _are_ you?” She asked calmly.

 

    Loki blinked, the realisation hitting him like a ton of bricks. Thor had pointed out the same to him earlier, but hearing it again from someone else seemed to have helped it truly sink in. He really _was_ the only one who knew the truth who had any problem with him being a jötunn; even Sif and the Warriors Three had accepted it once Thor had told them and they disliked him no more than they ever had, and certainly not over that. He knew somewhere in his mind that part of his self-denial and resentment was due to his upbringing - they had all been raised to view the jötnar as the enemy, after all - but if everyone else could learn to see past it, why couldn’t he?

 

    “Because I’m a fool,” Loki finally said, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

 

    “Yes, you are. Though, to be fair, you have had help in such,” Silje said with a sad smile. She extended her hand to him and beckoned him over, taking his hand in hers when he reached her and pulling him to sit next to her, entwining their fingers. “Loki, I won’t say that it was easy to learn of your true origins; it was quite a shock no matter how much I loved you, but I saw past it because I realised it did not change who you are. The same realisation we have all made, except for you.”

 

    “I am trying,” Loki said almost desperately.

 

    “I know you are,” Silje said reassuringly, cupping his face with her free hand, “And I am sorry I haven’t been more understanding; I just...”

 

    “You have nothing to apologise for, skatten min; as long as I have known you, you have always loved children, and I am standing in the way of you having more,” Loki replied guiltily, looking down. “I’m surprised you don’t hate me,” He added softly.

 

    “I am... angry. I am hurt and disappointed,” Silje replied, “But I do not hate you, elskr minn; we have been through too much.”

 

    “Sif was right; I don’t deserve you,” Loki said with a slight huff then looked into her eyes. “But I will,” He added determinately, “If it is the last thing I do, I will be worthy of you again. And if that means coming to terms with what I am then so be it.”

 

    “Now _that_ is the man I married,” Silje said with a proud smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'skatten min' = 'my treasure'
> 
> 'elskr minn' = 'my love/beloved'


	6. Chapter 6

    The morning of their fifth anniversary Silje awoke to light caresses on her side and soft kisses on her shoulder. She smiled and tilted her head slightly and Loki moved from her shoulder to her neck, nipping and licking at her skin. The hand on her side slowly travelled down over her hip, then her thigh where her nightgown had ridden up, and slipped under the fabric, caressing her inner thighs before slipping between them to her core. Silje sighed with pleasure as Loki began teasing her clit, feeling a warmth begin to pool in her belly, then arched back into him as he slipped a finger inside her.

 

    Loki took his time, slowly bringing her close, but not quite over the edge. After teasing her that way a few times he pulled away from her and turned her onto her stomach, then he grabbed her hips and manoeuvred her until she was supported on her knees and forearms. Pulling up her nightgown to her waist, Loki undid the front of his sleep pants and, with an arm around her middle to keep her steady, pushed his hardened cock deep into her, both of them moaning at the sensation.

 

    He pulled out almost all the way then pushed back in sharply, earning a gasp and a moan from Silje, so he repeated the action. And so he continued, thrusting into her slow and hard, and Silje let her head fall forward and fisted the sheet tightly in her hands. This time when he brought her to the edge he didn’t relent but let her fall over it, groaning at how she tightened around him. When she had ridden out her orgasm Loki increased the speed of his thrusts, his hands gripping her hips tightly, and their moans and grunts of pleasure gradually became louder.

 

    When Silje was approaching her climax again, Loki stopped and pulled out of her suddenly, earning a frustrated whine that he chuckled at. He pulled her up, turned her around, and brought her close to kiss her deeply before falling back onto the bed with her atop him. Shifting so that she was straddling him, Silje wasted no time in grabbing his cock and guiding it to her entrance, lowering herself onto it until he was fully sheathed in her and throwing her head back with a moan.

 

    With Loki’s hands gripping her hips Silje began to move, setting a teasing pace that was quite satisfying for her but not enough for him. Loki let out a breathless laugh, letting her have her way for now; he moved his hands to the front of her nightgown and undid the laces, cupping her sensitive breasts and teasing her nipples until they stood fully erect. Before long Silje tightened around him and her pace faltered some as her second orgasm took her; Loki compensated by grabbing her hips again and thrusting up into her as she supported herself with her hands on his chest.

 

    Loki wrapped his arms around Silje’s waist and rolled them over, kissing her deeply again before supporting his weight on his arms, then began to thrust into her again at a brutal pace that had her almost screaming in ecstasy. It didn’t take long for Silje to reach a third orgasm, crying out breathlessly and scoring her nails down Loki back leaving marks, but this time Loki followed her, growling her name as he spilled his seed within her. He kept thrusting as they rode out their climaxes then pulled out of her and collapsed by her side, the sound of their panting filling the room.

 

    Once Silje could breathe again she turned her head to face Loki. “Well; good morning,” She said with a smile, “What brought _that_ on?”

 

    “Does a man need an excuse to enjoy his wife?” Loki asked back, slipping an arm under her and pulling her close. Silje breathed a laugh and nestled comfortably against him. Loki pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I just missed you, is all.”

 

    “But I haven’t gone anywhere,” Silje replied with another laugh.

 

    “I know,” Loki said, wrapping his arms around her.

 

    They enjoyed a peaceful silence until suddenly the doors burst open with a push of magick and Einarr rushed in. Loki and Silje quickly righted their clothes before the almost-five-year-old clambered onto the bed, and Silje rolled off of Loki just in time for Einarr to pounce onto his stomach, earning a slight grunt.

 

    “Einarr; what have we told you about entering another’s chamber without knocking?” Silje scolded lightly, trying to keep the smile off her face.

 

    “Sorry, mama,” Einarr said, looking down guiltily.

 

    “You’re forgiven; now come greet me properly,” Silje said, opening her arms wide.

 

    Einarr scrambled off his father and threw himself into his mother’s embrace, planting kisses on both her cheeks which she returned. Loki looked up at them smiling fondly then sat up and picked up his son, peppering his face, neck and shoulder with kisses that earned him a fit of giggles.

 

    “What say you both to breakfast in the gardens?” Loki asked.

 

    Einarr immediately agreed and they both looked to Silje, who smiled and nodded, to the boy’s delight. They got out of bed and Loki slung a laughing Einarr over his shoulder and headed for his bath while Silje went into theirs to wash up.

 

 

    After they had eaten, Silje sat leaning against Loki as they watched their son playfully chasing after Huginn and Muninn. After a while Loki began to lay kisses onto Silje’s shoulder and up to her neck until she pushed him away.

 

    “Behave; our son is right over there,” She scolded lightly, unable to supress a smile.

 

    “He seems busy,” Loki remarked, wrapping his arms around her middle and pulling her onto his lap.

 

    “Loki!” Silje cried through laughter, trying and failing to move off of him, “Let me go!”

 

    Loki shifted to cross one of his legs over her lap, effectively trapping her in place. _“Never.”_

 

    “What is with you today? You are so clingy,” Silje giggled, ceasing her attempts to get away and settling back into his embrace.

 

    “Why should I not be? You have officially endured me for five years,” He replied, burying his face in her hair, “And I intend to give you cause to stay for five hundred more at the very least.”

 

    “I have plenty of cause to stay, hjartað mitt,” Silje said fondly, reaching up to slip her fingers into his hair, “Though I suppose I would not object to a few more like this morning’s.”

 

    “I thought you might not,” Loki said with a chuckle. He sighed and lifted his head to rest his chin on her shoulder, “It has been some time since I have taken you like that, has it not?”

 

    Silje rolled her eyes. “You have never failed to satisfy me, Loki.”

 

    “Good to know,” Loki murmured, turning his head to press a quick kiss to her jaw.

 

    “Loki; what is truly on your mind?” Silje asked, turning her head to nudge his, “And don’t say nothing, because I know you better than that.”

 

    “... I have given it much thought, and...” Loki began, but was interrupted by Huginn suddenly swooping over their heads with a loud indignant squawk.

 

    Soon after, Einarr ran right into them in his pursuit before being stopped by his mother’s arms. Loki looked to where the raven had flown to find him perched on a high branch in a nearby tree, puffed up and flapping his wings angrily.

 

    “Einarr; what did you do to Huginn?” Silje asked sternly.

 

    “I was just playing,” Einarr replied, green eyes wide with the realisation that he might be in trouble.

 

    “Clearly he is not amused,” Loki said seriously.

 

    Einarr bit his bottom lip, ducking his head guiltily as he looked between his parents. “I pulled his tail. But it was an accident!”

 

    “Alright; we believe you,” Silje said, “Now what do we do?”

 

    “Apologise,” Einarr replied.

 

    “That’s right; now go,” Silje said then set him down.

 

    Einarr ran over to the tree Huginn sat on. “I’m sorry!” He called up to the bird.

 

    Huginn seemed to consider the apology then swooped down to the ground where Muninn was, hopping lightly in place as if to beckon the boy to them. With a wide grin, Einarr ran back to them and they resumed their game, being sure to be more careful.

 

    Silje shook her head with a light laugh then turned to Loki. “You were saying?” She asked.

 

    Loki hesitated, the distraction having caused him to lose his nerve. “I love you,” He said softly instead.

 

    Silje looked at him for a moment, aware that that hadn’t been what he had intended to say. She sighed deeply, choosing to let it go for now, and nestled further into him.

 

    “I love you, too,” She murmured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'hjartað mitt' = 'my heart'
> 
> Am I getting any better at writing sex? 'Cause I feel like these are crap. Opinions? Anyone?
> 
>  
> 
> On an unrelated note; why the hel are they called 'lemons', anyway? What do lemons have to do with any of it?


End file.
